It's been almost 2 weeks into the new ward. So many new faces. Im suddenly so tired of making new friends whatsoever. I am less zealous than when i was at w76. Somehow i feel jaded. What's the point of making close friends when in the end you guys won't be close anymore once you leave for another place? Maybe i don't make the effort to keep up. But sometimes i really wonder whats the point in doing so. There's only 24 hours a day...and I just don't have the mind and heart to keep playing catch with everyone i know already. 

I feel a little conscious about how people view me. But on another hand I feel like I'd rather not know. Things they say are really along the same lines like "ah, SSN in just 2 years more", "she can't really work" etc etc. That's the reason why i don't really feel like opening up about me having degree, or whatever. Somehow I just feel suffocated still in this era where we are still so new. Trapped in between hierarchy, seniority and trying to be humble to please. What am i doing? That's the only thing i hate about being in nursing so far is this. Politics. but it happens everywhere.
And I'm kinda shit in sucking up. So i guess i won't go far. Truth is, you need to pucker up to bosses to get to places and chances are I'm going nowhere. 
Well, i just hope I still get my chance to study masters and that's all i care about. And one day i'll open my clinic and have quality time with my patients. thats all that i dream about.

Im foregoing trips to malaysia and cherating malaysia. Dilemma major going on here. I would so wanna go..seriously. With people i love most in the world. Foresee lots of partying and drinking and chilling and shopping. But $$$ ): i have already bombed close to 2k on Taiwan and bangkok. and all these are unplanned trips dang. i would really wanna save for Europe next year. My Prague trip ):

Call me old-fashioned, but does anyone still believe in this thing called predestiny? 
That we are meant to take this path that we've taken ? 
Sometimes I seek solace in this fact only as a means to console myself from the things that I've seen happening around me. Bad things. 
I use that to console my mum who lost alot of money in a phone scam, that she is just not destined to be rich 
Grace and I always complain that we are not destined to be rich 
On the contrary, we would always attribute all the good things to smart choices made by ourselves 
does all of us actually operate on this internal locus? 

Because if we all do, it actually sort of makes you feel good about yourself 

Haven't updated for a long long time man. Exams are over, Taiwan and Bangkok are over and its just 2 days later I will be going to ward 75. The more I am afraid of it, the more they want to Post me there dammit. It's a bloody Saturday and I'm here making up for my mc. I fucking feel like ponning it. Like go home and sleep haha. Know what is don't give a fuck?

Alot of apprehension. But I feel like emancipated from that gay brother. I wonder how god can create someone so hateful. Probably I might be faced with other difficult colleagues when I'm in the new ward but anything is better than gb. Ultimate detest, revolting personality and lack of interest in any form of communication with him. I hope one day he becomes my subordinate. HAHA

alot of guys are becoming NCSCs. Why? Is the male gender taking over yet another realm. First cooking, now nursing. I told thr bf I'm afraid that I would be denied of chances to become an advanced practitioner but .. Why should I be? I am from NUS, I take advanced dip. Now I am going to do research and next I shall go for my masters. Hopefully self paid for so I can jump ship when my bond is over. Like to JGH to pioneer orthopedics with noreen and muhsin or something. As much as I like Sgh, I think it is dumbass to stick to just one hospital. 
I am a contradictory creature. As much as I like routine and relationships, I also like new environments because I enjoy learning new things. Too bad Singapore don't really encourage rotation and the downside is that will result in delayed promotion. 
I am just waiting for time to pass hoping that if no one calls me then I am going to pont. Haha 

And suddenly, i am just mugging for my last paper.
fucking fast or what?
I've given my very best to study. Whatever the results, I have done my best. (:
(never even mugged that hard in uni pls)

haha anyway. Taiwan in 3 days time. I don't know what to expect, really. 

It was the last day of school today. wow. 6 and a half months gone, just like that
Made awesome friends. Knew a bunch of amazing people who are enthusiastic about orthopedics, taught me a lot and made me discover things about myself and see things in a completely different perspective

Like what Miss Liew said, the longer we stay in school, the more we transform into student-like behavior
We started exhibiting student traits like being rowdy in class, eating in class, making stupid student jokes.
Everyone tore off the serious exterior that we showcased during the first few months of school

It's going to be a little hard to let go of this fact that I will have to go back to being that me, which needs to be extra responsible, because I'm no longer dealing with my own academics but people's lives and the organization's reputation. serious stuff. Need to go face those people whom you don't know if you should trust.  
Gonna get emotional again.
Im glad that i managed to talk to some people outside the usual people i hang out with, got to know some interesting characters. I realized that I really like the indians in my class. They are smart AND funny. And so down-to-earth. The China nurses are equally nice as well. They might not be a breeze to work with in a group, but they are certainly harmless. And it doesn't hurt to learn how to be more tolerant of each other. 
Im glad I got to know some of the quiet girls in class. People like YuanHui, Jingjing, Bhuva, they're really nice people, and kind of talkative once you get to know them more. 
Even though our class are split into cliques, everyone is selfless and willing to share. exam tips, notes, whatever. This is probably one of the rare things you don't find in university, maybe. Everyone here, is less competitive. Because of the environment, I let my guard down. ALOT. And I really am happy that I did manage to help some people around here and there. 
I wish things never change. And I wish happy times like these stay for a long time. 
But that's life ain't it? Its full of changes, all the time. And no matter how much I hate change, I tell myself that we all have to leave our comfort zones to search for new frontiers because that's the only way we improve. Life goes on.

8 months ago I went for it even though people discouraged me from it, saying that I was not ready
Who can determine your readiness and abilities, better than yourself?
Why should I let others dictate my choices? This course isn't difficult and I am not gonna boast and tell others that this was a breeze for me. No. There is no value-add in that statement. I am gonna tell people that it IS difficult, but I learnt a lot. (Despite me having a degree) I hope that people won't stop learning. Because once you get complacent, you lose out.

People who are boastful and full of himself, also won't go far.

Come to think of it, I am quite the "aunty killer"
I can communicate damn well with them. HAHA 
I can easily name 5 aunties I am on speaking terms with 
weird much 

Anyway that's not the main point of post. It's a lead on, actually 
Aunties always tell me about their daughters 
like how Aunt D tells me about her daughter, which happens to be my best friend 
the catch is, you kind of get all those dirty bits about your old pal...and that's not doing very well for the friendship 
so it's like I keep getting those subconscious read-between-her-lines kind of voices coming from god knows where
example : "hey I just bought this awesome dresses at ASOS" then there'll be this voice "yeah I bet you
made your mum pay for it, pfft" 
seriously, all these dirty laundry ain't doing love to this friendship. 

But the only thing that can do good for this world from all these aunty gossips with their daughters do
is that they kind of act like reminders of how all the things I shouldn't be doing to my mom 
like making her pay for my phone bills even when I'm working 
like not being inpatient when I'm teaching her how to operate the television (goodness she doesn't know how lol) 
I used to think that maybe I could change their daughters by talking to them about their issues
who am I? A mom? C'MON 
but I don't think it's gonna work out pretty. Besides, who am I to rreprimand my friend? I'm not supposed to know those skanky dark habits of theirs.
---------------------
Its not good to know everything all the time 
 

Life is so short 
and its difficult to find friends that click 
and stay around for a long time 

Sometimes it's better to close one eye to things that you don't agree with 
things that annoy you 
because you are not perfect. Chances are, they have also shrugged away your flaws ..
for the friendship to stay till this time and place 

One thing I learnt about life 
is not to want to win all the time 
its not about gaining an advantage over others 
but learning how to give and share irregardlessly 
In financial terms sometimes, psychological support 
and most importantly, spare them the time when they need it 

And we do this for people whom we know are going to be around for a long long time, despite our flaws. 

Sometimes it's easier to go along with things
that go against things

What's all that bull about if you dont, you'll never know?

Somehow once you hit a certain age, practicalities set in
Recklessness seems obsolete

We're turning more and more like our parents
I think Im growing up

__________________________________________________
If i am able to take leave in either in july or august
I'd rather take the one in august and go with eileen and yuhui
somehow it feels more worthwhile.
One of those times you have to choose friends. haha
Don't really have to choose la. It's quite an obvious choice.
Like i would rather go with 4G, my pri school friends or what rather than w szd they all.